Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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