I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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