Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
