John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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