what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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