I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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