Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
