I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize