I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
