He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
