I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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