Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
