I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
