Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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