I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
