My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I lost the right to judge tonight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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