I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't trust your balls anymore.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
