Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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