respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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