Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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