were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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