so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
