foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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