Already got asked if we're dating
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
