I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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