are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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