alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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