God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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