i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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