All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
