We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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