I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
