Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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