Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
