Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
