Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
