I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
