I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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