im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
