I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
