can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
