Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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