i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
