Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
