He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
