Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
