Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
