I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
