Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
