I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
