can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
