No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize