I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
