I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
