I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
