are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
