I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
