I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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