You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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