Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize