Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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