if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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