I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
