Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
