Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
