we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
