mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
