Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
